After steady work on it over the last few months, I am done with the rough draft of my second book “And the Sun Burned Red”. I set myself the goal that I would be finished by the end of May, and I have achieved that goal! At this point, I will send the rough draft off to some readers to get feedback for the follow up drafts and I will move into finishing the formatting improvement of my first book, “The Shadow of the Past”.
Overall, I am very pleased with the book. I have a feeling that my second draft will heavily feature building consistency between the chapters and also adding some detail and description. I feel that in many ways, it is a clearer, and more focused work than my first book, although currently far less polished without the years of editing the first book went through. My current hope is to get feedback and put the book through several rounds of editing and get it up on Amazon by the end of the year, but we’ll see.
Below is a writing sample of the books Epilogue, if you have any feedback or comments just from that, definitely let me know. I am eager for any and all feedback on this work, or any part of it.
Epilogue – The Future Awaits
Kaejon concluded his story in the courtyard at the royal residence in the new port city of Raeos. Building had been further along than he had suspected and from the courtyard they could see down the hill to a bustling, and quickly growing, town. There were still scaffolds, here and there, showing signs of construction, but there were dozens of ships of various sizes in the harbor and carts went back and forth to various warehouses.
Kaejon was setting on a stone bench with his back resting against the high wall behind him and he was watching the children around him. Huon and Kaia seemed to have somewhat lost interest in the story, but Gaeto seemed keen and interested in the story and had fallen into a thoughtful silence. Luana was not with them as she was still recovering from the birth of their son, who they had decided to name Amjoh in honor of his grandfather. There were sounds of business as things were being organized in the large, stone house for the birth celebration that evening. The hubbub of some many people preparing the great hall, cooking food, and hanging banners had been overwhelming for the children and Luana had suggested that he take them to the courtyard to finish his tale. They had protested initially that they wanted here there, but she was not up for being up and about for so long yet, and she assured them that she already knew how the story ended.
Kaejon waited for one of the children to say something, and it was Huon who was the first to speak, “Father, I heard one of the messengers say that there was a vessel from the Goblin Princes who had just arrived. Can we go down to the harbor and watch come ashore?”
“Yes father,” said Kaia excitedly. “Please can we?”
Kaejon smiled and signaled to a nearby guard and said, “Halgona, is there any news or concern about any unrest in the city or near the harbor?”
The young soldier snapped to attention and said, “no, my king. There are always some unruly types near the docks, but no concerns.”
“Very well,” said Kaejon with as smile. “Gather a troop of the guard and escort Huon, Kaia, and Gaito down to the harbor. They wish to see the goblins disembark.”
Halgona flashed a smile at the children, saluted, and marched away. “Now, children,” said Kaejon to the children. “You must stay with the guards and not run off. They will see you to the harbor and back in time for the celebration this evening.”
Both Huon and Kaia nodded in agreement and ran off after Halgona, excited to go down and see the ships. Gaito was slow to get up and walked more slowly and, before he had gone a few steps he turned back to Kaejon and said, “I understand now that my father was wrong. You did not do damage to the world, and I even accept that you may have played a role in saving it, but I am not sure that gave you the right to rule our people.”
Before the mildly surprised Kaejon could respond, Gaito turned on his heals and ran to catch up to Huon and Kaia. Kaejon sat back against the wall and thought about this response. It showed growth on the part of the lad, although his statement lingered with him and he was lost in thought of how to respond the next time he was around his young hostage when a familiar voice cut through his thought.
“An interesting young man, that Gaito,” said a tall woman he had just come into the courtyard. She was dressed for riding and armored for battle. She swept a metal helmet with a trailing horsehair crest off her head revealing flowing black hair and fiercely intelligent eyes. Her armor bore the insignia of Kaejon and the brown tunic and leather trousers beneath were dusty but well made. She was broad shoulder and even at rest and smiling though she was, looked read for battle. A small troop hung back near the entrance to the courtyard, all dressed in similar manner to her.”
“Nerinah,” Kaejon boomed as he stood from the stone bench to embrace his daughter. “I had thought you still far to the north training with those that were chosen as your personal guard?”
“We had finished our exercises earlier than expected and anticipating the coming birth of my new little sibling, we rode south to meet you here,” she said proudly.
“And how went the training?” asked Kaejon surveying the soldiers from a distance.
“Very well,” replied Nerinah with a smile. “Our maneuvers went well, and we perform well in unison now. They are as smart and capable as we hoped,”
“Excellent,” nodded Kaejon as he signaled to a waiting attendant who was addressed as soon as he approached. “Veir, see that the troop that came with my daughter are given proper bedding, food, and care in our Barracks and their mounts well taken care of in our stables. When that is done, see to Nerinah’s room in the residence being prepared.”
“With your permission, father,” Nerinah jumped in before the man could run off. “I would like to stay in the Barracks with my troop. We’ve been through a lot together in the last six months and I want to personally make sure they are well cared for.”
Kaejon smiled proudly, “well said, daughter. Veir, do as she says. Nerinah, I am pleased to see that you have learned well the lesson that I taught you. The comradery and hardships you share with those will make them loyal and dedicated to you. They will fight harder and be ever on the look out for your safety, and you will need that.”
Nerinah nodded, “from the likes of Gaito, and his father, I know. You have said so many times. Speaking of, does Gaito know that his father is once more raising rebellion against you, and per the terms of the compact with his father, his life is forfeit.”
Kaejon sat on the bench again and beckoned his daughter to join him, “why ever would I kill that young lad? Yes, I told his father that I would if he raised rebellion again, but is it really right to punish the child for the parent’s mistakes? It will embarrass Gaiti and make me seem merciful. Everything favors us by sparing his life.”
“It could dissuade the Primarch to retire.”
“No,” Kaejon shook his head. “Whether we kill his son or not, this will be the Primarch’s last rebellion. It took his years to organize it and cost him every last scrap of wealth and influence left to him and it will be much smaller than any of his previous ones. Only the port city of Balan and the twin cities of Gal and Rab have joined him. Even his own home city of Xyos does not support him any longer.”
Nerinah nodded in understanding before venturing, “still, from the brief interaction I heard, there might be reason to worry about the son.”
Kaejon shrugged, “perhaps, although I still have hopes to win him round. Even if we cannot do so, he will be useful to you, even as an opponent. Having someone willing to challenge and oppose your actions helps keep a ruler honest and open in their dealing. If nothing else, as long as nothing you are doing is as bad as what they say about you, then you know you are not being too extreme.”
“I suppose so,” said Nerinah, although she looked skeptical. “Now that my guards are trained, what would you have me do, father?”
Kaejon thought for a moment on this before replying. “You will stay here for a short time. There is a celebration tonight for the birth of your new little brother and there are things that I would talk to you about and get your thoughts on, but then I think it is time that you took command of an army in the field.”
“Really, father?” fairly burst from Nerinah’s mouth and she smiled excitedly.
Kaejon laughed, “yes indeed. You will take your guards and ride to Lagar, a small town that is a few days ride from Balan. Galvan Vor has assembled an army there.”
Nerinah’s excitement increased even further, “grandfather has taken the field again!?”
Kaejon shook his head, “that blind, deaf, ancient fool can barely sit a horse any longer, but he and I both agreed that there would be no one better to guide you as you learn command. He will be there just to guide you. The final decisions will be yours.”
“What am I to do, once I get settled with the army?” inquired Nerinah.
Kaejon grew more serious at this. “Our opponents have not yet realized that we know of their rebellion and Balan in particular has only joined the Primarch’s cause because they are worried that Raeos will be a threat to them. I want you to strike swift and hard at the city. I suspect that a quick, clear victory will bring them to negotiate with us. If that comes to pass, I will empower you to negotiate in my name. Offer them terms that you think are appropriate, although I recommend leniency here, but I will stand by what you decide so long as it is not too extreme, although I don’t think that is a concern, my daughter.”
“And what of Gal and Rab?” inquired Nerinah.
“I am assembling another, larger army to the west of Xyrin. I will leave and join them a few weeks after you. Hopefully by the time I reach the twin cities, their ally will be out of the fight and they do will quickly turn against Gaiti, but if not, they will be of little threat. Blockaded by land and with control of the water ways with Balan no longer an ally.
Nerinah nodded at this, “thank you for the opportunity to command one of your armies, father. You know I have wanted long for this.”
Kaejon nodded, “I do indeed know that. You needed a strong and loyal personal guard before you ventured into a command role in the field, but now that it is done, it is high time you learned. I will not be around for ever and while I think our Kingdom will be united after Gaiti’s defeat in the coming months, there will be other conflicts and wars.”
Nerinah smiled, “well then, I should see to my soldiers quartering in the barracks, then I will head up to the residence and get ready for the celebration.” After saying this she seemed to trail off for a moment instead of turning to leave. “Father?” she said hesitantly. “May I ask you something?”
“Anything, dear daughter,” replied Kaejon with some puzzlement.
“You are a great king,” began Nerinah, “and the unification of our scattered people has given us strength, but Gaito got me thinking. Why have you chosen to work so long and hard to form a kingdom?”
Kaejon smiled, “it is good to question such things, and I must admit I have thought this often as I have followed my mother’s plan for the Baion Plains and the unification of what was once an empire. Ultimately, the answer is, because of that,” Kaejon pointed out to the harbor.
Nerinah looked where he was pointing and turned back to her father, looking a little puzzled,” the Goblin Envoy’s vessel? It is a transport vessel, gaudily decorated to be sure, and impressive, but there is not danger there.”
“Not the Ambassador’s vessel,” Kaejon shook his head. “Look further out into the bay.”
“The ambassador’s escort warships?” Nerinah asked. “We cannot begrudge the ambassador their safety, especially all the raiding that has been happening at sea.”
Kaejon laughed, “raiding from the forces of the Goblin Princes, as often as not, but those warships are a show of force, a flexing of the muscles to show their power. That Ambassadors vessel could outrun anything it couldn’t outfight, and outfight anything that it could outrun, it has no need for guards.”
Nerinah shrugged, “so they are showing off? They are a distant power who would benefit as much by trade with us as we benefit from their trade.”
“It isn’t just them, my daughter,” said Kaejon shaking his head. “There are Dwarven settlements cropping up on the far side of the mountains. There are human kingdoms we know of to every direction, and far to the north there is an Elven Group who calls themselves the ‘Disciples of the Moon’ who belief with the fading of the sun their time has come. They are all rebuilding their kingdoms and recovering their populations as we are, but soon or later, war will come. They’ll want to acquire the agricultural wealth of the Baion Plains and the only way we have is protecting ourselves is by uniting together in a strong kingdom. My mother believed this very strongly and worked constantly to bring it about. I had doubts myself at first, but on seeing the reports from distant areas I see the wisdom of it. I hate that it has led to an entire generation of warfare to unite the scattered cities and people of the plains, but in the end, I shall leave you a strong, united, and prosperous kingdom to rule when my time is done.”
“Hopeful that will not be for many years yet,” said Nerinah, although Kaejon could tell she was not wholly convinced. “But, the day moves on, and I will see to my soldiers so that I have time to wash up and be ready for the celebration.”
Kaejon smiled, “indeed, and I should see what help I can be in the house. The break I have taken has been long enough and there is much to do.”
Kaejon and Nerinah hugged again as the young woman turned and strode away towards the barracks. Kaejon reflected, as he had many times, on whether or not he had made the right decisions and his and his mother’s plan to unify the plains were the right ones. But that was a thought for another time. As Kaejon turned and marched back into the stone castle to see how he could help, the yellow sun sunk slowly toward the horizon.
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